If you follow along on Instagram, or even on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve been a little MIA the past few months. We announced that I was pregnant back in March, and the next day we found out we lost the baby. I still can’t believe we went through all of that. It feels like a really bad dream. But when I look back at the blog posts I wrote (I hid the one announcing our pregnancy so it wouldn’t confuse people), all of the emotions come flooding back to me. Our first little baby was so special. She was so special. I won’t ever forget what it was like to carry her and know that I wouldn’t ever get to hold her.

We knew through it all that God was refining us. Using us for good. Or just for something we might not ever know or understand. And we trusted that. So we didn’t ever carry any bitterness or negativity towards God or anyone else during that time. We were at peace, and for that we were grateful. I never really stopped working through all of it, and right after everything, wedding season HIT! I’m trying to think through how we got to where we are today, and everything seems so jumbled. The past few months have flown by! I remember feeling like life was just tossing me around and I was just going through the motions because we have been SO BUSY.

I’ll try to give an overview of everything and then go into details at the end of this post for any friends reading along who have been following our miscarriage story. (I know some people are curious about the details, and I’m always happy to share if it means helping someone else going through it all to cope.)

We’re going to miss Georgia!!

When we first found out we were pregnant in December, we immediately decided we wanted to move back home to South Carolina so we could be closer to family. We missed being home the second we left for Atlanta, but being pregnant solidified our decision to move back. Even though we lost the baby, we knew that decision was still the right one. We love living in South Carolina and knew that we wanted to plant roots there. Tyler began looking for ways to get back to SC, and through A LOT of thinking, talking, and weighing options, he decided to take a job opportunity back in Columbia. Leaving his current job is really hard because he loves it so much, but he’s happy with his decision and is excited to move forward.

So friends, we are moving back to South Carolina THIS WEEKEND. Crazy, right?! It all happened so fast! This selling/buying process was much easier than our move to Georgia. (Yikes!! I know some of you remember how stressful that was.) We had multiple offers on our house the day we put it on the market, and bam! That was that. (: We haven’t officially closed yet, so say a prayer all will continue to go smoothly! Finding another house wasn’t too bad either! We moved down in house from the one we had in Georgia, but it’s a perfect next step for us. (A lot of you following along know that we’ve been doing Dave Ramsey’s financial program. We’re minimizing our bills as much as we can and trying to knock out our student loans with major intensity!)

Anyway, we’re excited to be moving back! We loved our time in Georgia, and have so many great things to say about the town we lived in and our experience here. We just missed our friends and family back home in SC, and are thrilled to be surrounded by you all again!

We are also PREGNANT again!!! Yay!!! I’m going to write the full story out in detail below, but wanted to give a few fun-facts for those who aren’t interested in the nitty-gritty of it all.

• I am one day away from being 14 weeks pregnant. Baby is the size of a jalapeno, but tomorrow my app will tell me it’s the size of something a little bit bigger.
• Short version of our previous miscarriage: the baby died at 8 weeks, we found out at 11, and I had a D&C at 14 weeks. If I get all the way to the end, and have this new baby around it’s due date, I will have spent almost my entire 25th year of life pregnant.
• Sweet little jalapeno is due January 9th—my birthday month!! Sorry baby, but you won’t get any pool parties or fun outdoorsy trips for your birthday. It’s going to be cold and icey for most of them. Some of them we even won’t have power. It happens, and you’ll survive! (I’ll never forget wanting a Playstation SO BAD and finally getting one for my birthday………there was a huge ice storm that year and the power went out so I couldn’t even play it for days. Such a bummer!) I’ve always loved having a January birthday though, despite the cold, and I hope you will too! 
• We know the gender, but we aren’t telling anyone yet! Keeping secrets is fun!! (: We’re planning to have a small party with our families before we reveal the news to everyone.
• Every time I leave the doctor’s office, I’m anxious for the next appointment where I can come back and hear the heartbeat again. Even still, we’ve been very hopeful, and trusting, and GRATEFUL this entire pregnancy.

 
I think that’s most of it!! If you guys have any questions at all about anything, leave a comment below or come find me on Insta! I’ll be posting tons of updates over there!

What does all of this mean for business? Nothing really! All will stay the same. (: Baby is due in January, which is the slow-season in the photography world, so there won’t be any interruptions if all continues to go smoothly. I have a slow fall season with weddings (since we were previously expecting a baby in September), but I know I will book up fast with portrait sessions—I always book completely up and have to refer people to other photographers.

If you want to book a family session this fall, start getting in touch with me now! (I will be hosting Christmas mini sessions like I do every year in November. Details about those will be announced soon!)

xoxo <3

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Baby Details

If you want to read all about my first miscarriage, you can do so here.

Very quickly after the miscarriage (one period after, to be exact), we found out we were PREGNANT again!! The very first time we found out we were pregnant, I cried tears of happiness. This second time, I cried tears of fear. I didn’t even think I was pregnant, so I was a little in shock when I took the test and it said positive. (Tyler didn’t even know I had bought a test to take.) I ran to where he was and bursted into tears when I told him. It wasn’t exactly a cutesty start to this baby’s life, but it was real. I was pregnant, and I was scared. Mostly because EVERYTHING was different. I’ve always been very resilient, but it’s hard to handle things when you don’t know what to expect!

I had one period about two weeks after the surgery, and then when it was time for my next period to come, I wasn’t exactly sure when it would be. Everything had been so out of whack, which isn’t normal for me—I’ve been regular all my life, so navigating all of that was tough. I started having pretty bad cramps, and a week after I thought my period should have started, I called the doctor. I told her I was having cramps, but hadn’t started my period yet, and asked her if that was normal or if I should be worried that something was wrong. The first thing she asked me was, “Have you taken a pregnancy test?” Um no….”I don’t feel pregnant,” I said. And I didn’t! The first time I was pregnant, I knew immediately! This pregnancy was so different, and it was scary because of all the cramps I was having. When I took the test and it said positive, I thought all the cramping meant something was wrong. (Cramps to me meant miscarriage, so I was scared.) I called the doctor back and told her and she had me go in for bloodwork. They tested my levels, and they came back normal for how many weeks pregnant I was, so I scheduled my next normal 8-week appointment. I changed doctors during all of this because I knew we would be moving back to SC and I wanted to go ahead and get established there. My 8-week appointment went great. We had an amazing ultra-sound tech who taught us so much about the baby. (More than we learned about the first baby.) She even could tell that this baby had come from my left ovary. So cool!!

I was very anxious going in for my 12-week appointment, but was pretty confident that the baby was ok—I was still feeling very pregnant, unlike last time at this point. I was much sicker the first time I got pregnant—I threw up a lot and couldn’t even walk into our kitchen without getting sick. I hated food, and spent most of my days sitting on the couch and staring at the wall. I was miserable! (Although, I know it could have been much worse than it was, and I was grateful for that.) This pregnancy, I didn’t get quite as sick. I haven’t thrown up yet, although I’ve gotten close. As long as I eat constantly, I can usually avoid getting too sick. The indigestion is much worse this time and so are my energy levels. I have never been so tired in my life!! Some days it feels like too much work to even pick up my arm to grab my cell phone. The exhaustion has been…REAL. The first time I got pregnant, my symptoms started fading around week 9, which makes sense if the baby died around week 8. I started feeling much better, and much more like myself. I’m 14 weeks in, and still feeling pregnant, and I’m grateful. Every time I get a pimple, I CHEER! Wahoooo!!! I’ll take all the pimples if it means this little baby inside of me is doing ok.

Back to that 12-week appointment. It wasn’t as great of an appointment as our 8-week one, but they found the baby’s heartbeat, and it was strong, so we walked away grateful. <3

I am EXCITED (and anxious) for our next appointment, and can’t wait to watch this little one grow! Every day is a blessing, and we don’t take even one of them for granted at all.

Anyone out there who is going through a miscarriage or is dealing with infertility, or anything related, know that I am constantly praying for you. I understand your pain, even if it’s different or more severe than mine, and I am praying so hard for your comfort, peace, and hope. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to. <3

And I have to say a huge thank you to all of our family and friends who have always been there for us, prayed for us, and encouraged us. We love you more than you will ever know!